Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
