T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
3 2 1 whiskey
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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