hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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