It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
