Can i not drive my cunt home
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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