Your dad touched me again.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
