The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Less talking, more tequila
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
