so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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