have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
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We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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