I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
