the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?