like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD