why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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