I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
