she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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