Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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