Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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