so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
