She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize