Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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