Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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