turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
