she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
