i just had sex bonerless
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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