We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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