Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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