So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Are my feet made of real feet?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
