If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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