I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
