i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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