guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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