ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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