alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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