There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
