I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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