do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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