fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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