Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
