Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
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Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
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In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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