i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
