Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize