Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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