if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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