True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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