Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
