My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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