Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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