Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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