I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
