I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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