I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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