This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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