you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
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He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
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Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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