What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Still dying that you shit outside
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
