And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
