rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
