Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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