it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
